Positive self-regard is essential if you are to develop the high level of emotional intelligence that will enable you to see beyond setbacks and stay centred. It is not about being egotistical or arrogant. It is about being clear in your purpose.

Positive self-regard is something you need to work on daily

Positive self-regard naturally develops as you become more experienced and confident in yourself and your capabilities – it is something you need to work on daily, while accepting and valuing yourself for who you are.

1. Celebrate success

Regularly record and take time to enjoy successes in a variety of areas of your life.

Action: At the end of each day spend five minutes reflecting on your day. Some questions to consider:

a) What did I do well?

b) What feedback did I receive?

2. Be authentic

Be really clear about what your values and your principles. Trust your emotions and learn to listen to them: for example, when you feel angry or positive, what is happening?

Action: Spend time reflecting on your core values. These may be honesty, courage, clarity, trust – knowing what your values are and aligning yourself to them plays a key role in building self-regard. There are many online tools that can help but one way to do this is to work with a friend/buddy and describe your perfect day at work. Get them to spot what values they observe in you. What do they hear? They will help you to identify any conflict if your actions are not aligned to your values.

Be aware each day of the negative internal dialogue you are experiencing

3. Be aware of the internal critic

Build a positive but balanced outlook – while critical thinking is important as a leader, negative personal thinking will limit leadership potential. Be aware each day of the negative internal dialogue you are experiencing such as “I’m going to get found out” or “This isn’t good enough”.

Action: Implement a three-second rule – spot the thinking then move on. Don’t allow your mind to dwell on negativity longer than these three seconds. Just be mindful and aware of the chatter you are experiencing and always look for the positive in any perceived failures.  Most of your perceived failures will then turn out to be golden nuggets of wisdom – you just need to re-frame the experience.

4. Try new things

Cultivate a “reflective learning attitude” rather than a “perfectionist” attitude. Being able to take risks, try new things and learn from mistakes will build trust and allow others to do the same.

Action: Step outside of your comfort zone, for example attend a networking event, present a new idea/concept. Be really aware of any limiting beliefs: what feelings arise when you step outside of your comfort zone? Attach a goal to what you are trying to achieve and hold yourself accountable for this achievement.

Positive self-regard is not about being egotistical or arrogant. It is about being clear in your purpose.

5. Listen to your body

Look after your physical health and listen to your body.

Action: Eat healthily, get enough sleep, exercise and learn relaxation techniques. A key skill in developing positive self-regard is learning to feel the best that you can.


To book a Self Regard workshop for your business or to find out more about emotional intelligence development, visit the Emotionally-i-Fit website or contact Amanda Wildman by email or on 07815 743045 .

Amanda Wildman - Emotionally-i-Fit

Amanda Wildman - Director of Emotionally-i-Fit - is an expert in emotional intelligence and leadership development. 

Emotionally-i-Fit runs assessments, coaching programmes, workshops and leadership retreats that help leaders and organisations to measure and develop the 16 metrics of emotional intelligence.